(no subject)

[lizzybennet]

The boys started school yesterday. Zack had a great day, no problems. Petey, as expected, had a much harder time understanding the school routine. He's at a disadvantage from the other kids his age, having missed public school kindergarten. However, he seems to have an awesome teacher (if I can go by my first impressions) and I think she will be willing to work with us to help him learn how to act in school. We've been exchanging emails, which I'll put behind the cut for anyone who's interested.


My letter to her:

Hi Mrs. generic-teacher-name,

I just wanted to touch base with you after our conversation about Petey yesterday. I spoke with him about most of your concerns. He and I are going to work on developing his use of eye contact as well as trying not to interrupt. He's just so excited about starting school, and I'm sure he was a bit overwhelmed yesterday by all the "new stuff" he was experiencing. As you know, he didn't go to kindergarten because we were homeschooling in China, so he has yet to learn school etiquette. I feel certain that once he understands the routine of the school day, he will be much more settled and able to listen.

Also, I'd be happy to come into the classroom and help with him, if you feel it would be beneficial to him. I know he can be a handful, and if while he's learning how to act at school you need an extra hand, I'd be glad to come in and assist. Just let me know if you think that would be at all helpful or not. I would like to volunteer in the classroom so you can go ahead and send that paperwork home with Petey when you get a chance.

Thanks for talking with me yesterday to let me know how things go. Petey is such a happy and sweet kid; I hope we can work through these challenges together so school can be a place he loves to go.

Thank you,
etc, etc.

Her response to me:


Hi Tina -
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts about Petey. I think you are right-on . . . he just isn't used to school etiquette/behavior/routines/procedures yet. This is completely reasonable and to be expected! I sure appreciate your support at home - he came in this morning saying he worked on behaving at school "for homework". :) I'm confident that if we both keep working with him, he'll be just fine. He just needs time to adjust and lots of practice.

I appreciate your offer to come in and help, but I'd like to give it a go on my own for a couple of weeks. I can already tell a difference from yesterday. Thank you again for your support!

He's an enthusiastic, sweet little boy. I'm looking forward to watching him blossom this year!

I will give him volunteer paperwork to bring home to you today.

Oh - thank you for the scissors! Petey forgot to get his drink and take it to lunch with him, so I brought him back to the classroom to get it. I found the yellow paper and your note in the folder in his backpack (he had forgotten to give it to me when he came in this morning). Also, I wanted to let you know that a mom from another student in the school found Petey this morning crying in the hallway because he didn't know where his class was. She knew me and brought him down. Poor kiddo! I think it all goes back to getting used to school . . . I can't even imagine how overwhelmed he must be! He cried again at lunch over his drink, but we took care of it and he's doing just fine now. Other than that, I can tell he's making an effort today to hold those thoughts in his head. We are continuing to work on that, as well as working on staying in control and staying safe (when we sing and dance to "get our wiggles out", he tends to go overboard and get a little chaotic). He'll get the hang of it!

Thanks again, Tina!


He didn't even mention the crying-lost incident to me. What he tells me is stuff like a kid in his class wore the same shirt today that he wore yesterday. I went to the library today and checked out some self-help parenting books. Even while I know I will read them and try and implement some ideas, I'm thinking to myself "what makes these people any more qualified than the next person when it comes to parenting?" I wish there was some perfect guide. One of the books is called "My Quirky Child." The title caught my attention, I don't know if it will be helpful...I would use quirky to describe Petey, though.

Josh and I are enjoying our time together. Yesterday we went to McDonalds together (a mistake it turned out because all the high school kids were there taking off-campus lunch. Apparently they don't care that they are sitting next to a 3 year old kid, they going to say f--- as much as they want...which is practically every other word.), the park, Wal-Mart and to get him a haircut. We also took a nap together. It was such a laid back, do what we want day. I loved it, and so did he. Today was more of a organize-this-messy-house day.

Lastly, Chris taught his first day of class today. He was nervous, but I must say he looked good in his professorial attire (no tweed jackets with elbow patches for my man!) Still no luck on the car search. I think we're taking a couple weeks off. That's it.

Comments

[sunrise0124.livejournal.com]

sounds like Petey has a great teacher and is more than willing to give him a chance.

Sounds like you are enjoying spending more one on one with josh (and so is he for that matter).

[mysteena.livejournal.com]

I hope she stays great, if it turns out that Petey is more of a challenge than she figured for. How are things between you and Nin's teacher?

[sunrise0124.livejournal.com]

pretty much unchanged. She still wants to put her back into kinder but we are fighting it. she still has some good days. This week is her first spelling test and I'm afraid she won't do very well. I've worked with her everyday but she is having a hard time with it.

[mysteena.livejournal.com]

When Zack was in kindergarten there was a girl in his class who did half her day in kindergarten and half in first grade. This really seemed to work for her, and by the end of the year she was back in first grade for the whole day.

[sunrise0124.livejournal.com]

i don't think it's for the same reason. I just feel that this teacher just feels Nin's takes too much work and just doesn't want to deal with it. She needs extra help understanding reading and stuff like that. She takes more one on one than most kids. I knew this from last year and I told her she just needs extra help. I worked with her a lot last year to get her to where she is now. We actually sent a letter to the school requesting her to be tested for learning disabilities yesterday. Now legally they have to test her in 60 days. I hope this will help. If they still continue giving us a hard time about it we will give it right back. Hubby's family is good at fighting schools. I'm not.

[mysteena.livejournal.com]

I think the letter is a good idea. If she does have a learning disability then they can better provide her with the extra one on one time that she needs. Maybe the teacher just can't handle that with all the other students in her class...not that I'm taking the teacher's side! I think you and your hubby are doing the absolute right thing to fight for Nin's right to stay in first grade.

[sunrise0124.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I feel she has a legal right to be there and I feel that just because she isn't 6 yet, she wants to pawn her off. I am very certain that if she gets help in the areas she needs help in she will be fine and I feel that putting her back in kinder will be emotional suicide to an already emotional child. I trust her teacher last year, asked me if I wanted her to go on to first? I told her yes, If she felt she could handle it. Her teacher said ok. She would struggle but she would be fine. Those were her exact words. Which is why I feel this teacher is not giving her a chance.

[sunrise0124.livejournal.com]

hey, did any of your kids have a hard time with spelling? I've been working with her everyday and she still can't tell me how to spell one word. i've tried everything I can thing of and nothing worked. any suggestions?

[mysteena.livejournal.com]

Believe it or not we haven't really had to do spelling yet for public school. For homeschool I used Scrabble peices to make spelling more fun. I don't really have any suggestions...sorry! Maybe you could google it :)

[shivedheart.livejournal.com]

What a great teacher for Petey to have! I'm sure he'll learn quickly and everything will be fine. The teacher sounds wonderfully understanding.

I couldn't get the hang of kindergarten and school because of severe learning diablities and being deaf for the first three years of my life. I just found the letter informing my parents that I was being kicked out of school (all of five years old)! The teacher didn't even TRY to work with me. And like Petey, I had trouble making and maintaining eye contact and I interupted the teacher! Just be careful and be aware that they may eventually try to slap the label of ADHD on him. That's what they did to me.

Anyway, I'm glad things are going well!! YAY :)

[mysteena.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm fully expecting them to ask if we will test him for ADHD. I suspect he probably is, but we don't want to treat it with medication. My husband doesn't even want him tested, because he doesn't want the diagnosis of ADHD to become Petey's label. I'm unsure of how I feel about the whole ADHD issue. I'm trying to educate myself about it. His hearing has been tested, and he's passed; he often has difficulty hearing what is being said to him because the noises in his head (so to speak) drown out the "real" world.

That's horrible that they wanted to kick you out of school at five years old! I hope times have changed and they are more willing to work with kids nowadays. What did your parents do?

[shivedheart.livejournal.com]

They kicked me out of kindergarten at Folger McKinsey, so my Mom re-enrolled me at Sunset Elementary in both kindergarten and ECI (Early Childhood Intervention). It was then that I was diagnosed with ADHD, which admittedly, I do have.

From what you said in your reply, I suspect Petey does have ADHH. I have trouble with hearing things because of what is going on in my head. But I was SEVERELY ADHD. I was on ritilan, but only during the week and during the school year.

You are right to not want him labeled. It followed me all the way to high school and almost into college. If, however, it does become necessary to treat him with meds -do what my parents did. Pills only Monday-Friday, from September to June. THe rest of the time I was off it. The meds saved my life and gave me an education, but keep in mind - my ADHD was borne from my initial deafness.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me!!

I still have ADHD, and at thirty, I have learned how to control it. You'll find, if he does indeed have it, that he's probably highly intelligent - even though ADHD students sometimes get bad grades, we are smart :) And while I tend to fixate on things, I have learned how to adapt. My main problems are staying still. I am always moving. But I have learned to move just my foot or just a leg. That way it calms me.

Too many doctors are willing to throw around that diagnosis and 9 times out of 10 what you have is a child merely being a child. DOes Petey run around at will? Not follow directions unless they are repeated a few times and in great detail? Does he play well with others? Those are things to think about.

Feel free to email me if you have any questions or concerns. Believe it or not? I love having ADHD. My mind goes a mile a minute and it makes life interesting. But I like that you don't want him tested. It is a label that stays and it's not easy to shake.

Only medicate if it becomes apparant that he isn't focusing or learning in school. If he's doing just fine, let him be. Routines help, too. And Petey's still young. Most kids outgrow it. I just happened not to :)

Anyway, I'm babbling. My email is shivedheart @ gmail dot com.

[mysteena.livejournal.com]

DOes Petey run around at will? Yes. Sometimes he literally runs laps, like when we go to the playground. He constantly makes up imaginary games that he plays with himself, defeating various levels. It's like a video game that he's brought to life with his imagination.

Not follow directions unless they are repeated a few times and in great detail? Yes, he usually needs the directions to be spoken directly to him, with the adult on his level and in his face. Often it is helpful if I re-explain school rules to him after he's home, and it's just me and him. He can't seem to grasp them if the teacher is just making a general announcement to the class.

Does he play well with others? He usually gets along great with other kids, and he LOVES to have friends come over.

Thanks for your email address, I will be writing as I do have some questions for you :)

[shivedheart.livejournal.com]

Absolutely no worries!!! My parents didn't have anyone to turn to, so they literally played it by ear.

It does sound like he could have ADHD, but then again - he may just be a very active child. It's good though to know where the line is drawn between ADHD and a highly active child.

How does he feel when he runs around or interupts or things like that? I hated it. I knew that something was off in the way I acted, even at five and six. Kids are aware when something is different.

My advice is to do exactly what you're doing. And positive reinforcement works WONDERS. When I was school age - esp. between 5 and 11, I knew that I was different and that I didn't learn the same way other kids did. I hated not getting gold stars and only being told what I did wrong. I found it more helpful if someone said, "You completed your homework on time, which is very good! Maybe next time you can work on X-Y- or z." Kids don't want to hear, "You did good, but -" Everyhing is negated because of that but.

Also - kids with ADHD seem to always hear what they did wrong throughout the day. My teachers were required to write a note every day discussing how I did throughout the day. They only ever focused on the negatives. Obviously there will be important things you HAVE to bring up, but usually you can get away by finding that one thing he did well. For me, it was even as mundane as "Kelly put her instrument [music class] away without being told." Never mind that I had thrown my triangle across the room, screamed uncontrobally and basically acted up. But to hear the one thing I did right? That made me WANT to do better.

Like I said - ask away! I am glad to be of help. Especially if it will save another child from being judged or labled by teachers and/or society.

[(Anonymous)]

When I got tested for ADHD a couple of months ago, the hearing part was where I had the most trouble. When we met to go over my results, she kept shaking her head because I passed the rest of my test with flying colors. She would give me a list: started out with a couple of words flower, pen, house. Then it would get bigger and bigger. Pretty soon she would add in verbs pen, write, house, moon, fly - it was those sentences I had the hardest time recalling. She couldn't figure out why I was having such difficulty with that part. So she said I should just try to listen more, repeat to the person who is speaking to me what they said, and chocked the rest of the issues up to my sleep apnea.

The nice thing is that, as an adult, I can say, "Let me read this back to you" when people give me directions for a task, etc. But how does a child in a full classroom do that? Hrmm...

Although it does sound like Petey's teacher is REALLY awesome. I love this: he came in this morning saying he worked on behaving at school "for homework". :)

Very cool that he's working these things at home for homework. Woot, Petey!

[hermionesmum.livejournal.com]

Petey's teacher sounds fabulous.
Tabby has what was a huge communication problem when she was three, now just a borderline processing issue, that the school manage sympathetically. I used to be really scared that she "looked" defiant and naughty, when actually she desperately wanted to be good and really couldn't follow instructions. Those fears never materialised, but I think it did help to be an involved sort of mummy. Doing PTA, helping in class. Her teachers have always known I cared and took her education seriously, and I was readily available to talk to.

Bonding

[margmarieh.livejournal.com]

I think Petey needs a chance to form a bond with this teacher; it looks as though she is willing to go the second mile. Time and consistency will reassure him that this is a stable and safe environment. (Hopefully, it will be)!

I wish you had taken a picture of Chris; he does clean up nicely. My mom instinct is that he will do great, too!

[(Anonymous)]

I think Petey is going to do really well. You are an awesome mom! The few teachers I know say parents are not nearly enough invovled. I think they would just die to have more parents offering to help *lol*.

Hey, another kudos to Chris - you know that Canadian guy we hired? Well, he got here, but because of all the fuss with his move and all the complaints he wasn't able to teach this semester! He didn't get here in time! The big dummy! Anyway, kudos to Chris for doing things the right way - well, as far as the administrative side of hiring goes *lol*. Yay Chris!