dinner date
Oct. 1st, 2006 09:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizzybennetLast night we went to dinner at a neighbors house. Chris met this guy down at the playground earlier this week and he invited us over for Saturday night. His wife made a huge dinner. I counted, and she made 15 different dishes. I was pretty nervous before we went over, because I knew I would be the only English speaker there, plus I didn't know if the food would be way exotic. Fortunately, Chris did a really good job of translating for me. Sometimes he doesn't bother, and I feel really left out. But last night, he did. I was glad he took the time to include me. The food was delicious. The strangest thing was chicken feet, which I didn't feel obligated to try since there were so many other things to eat. It is normal for the host to use his chopsticks to put things in your bowl for you to eat. I was worried someone would put a chicken foot in my bowl, but no one did, thank goodness! She did put some fish in my bowl. I don't like seafood, but I made myself eat it. It was surprisingly good and didn't taste "fishy" at all. It was more the taste and texture of chicken. I really enjoyed myself. I stopped eating long before anyone else. We sat around the table for well over an hour while every one just picked at the dishes with their chopsticks. I hope I wasn't rude, but I really was quite full. The kids hardly ate anything, including our host's child. They were too busy playing together. Besides our family, they'd also invited some other friends who live in the neighborhood.
We don't know exactly what it is that our host does for a living. However, it is quite clear that he's very well off. For one thing, they have three children. He said they are the only family in the whole apartment complex (a huge place) with three children. It costs quite a lot in government penalty fees to have more than one child. Also, they have sent their oldest daughter to the US for college. She lives in Tennessee. Also, their apartment was beautiful, with a huge screen tv, a piano, and a giant fish tank. It was a very nice home. He and the other husband did say that they used to be in the army before they retired. During the course of the conversation, it came out that one of the husbands was a communist party member. That felt strange. I don't know why, but I had stereotyped in my mind that all party members would be stern, anti-Americans. This guy was so nice, and so normal. During the course of dinner, he knocked over his drink and dropped his chopsticks. Everyone kept teasing him that he was un-cultured and he would just grin good-naturedly.
It is interesting to me that topics we would generally consider somewhat taboo as dinner conversation is considered a safe topic here. For example, we were talking about the fact that I have three sons. This is something that pretty much always comes up in any conversation we have. As you probably know, sons have traditionally been considered more valuable than daughters in Chinese society. That has begun to change, but people still "remember when" sons used to be what everyone wanted. Both the women we ate with last night have daughters. The one with three kids has 2 daughters and her youngest is a son. She said everytime she found out she was having a girl she cried. I laughingly told her I cried when I found out I was having boys, because I really wanted a daughter. They asked if we would try again for a daughter and we told them we were sure we'd just have more sons. Then one of the women suggested we just have abortions until we get a daughter. It's really good I hear all these conversations secondhand. If someone has said that to me straight out I would have been flabber-gasted. Fortunately Chris is more quick thinking than I am. He simply told them that in America, abortion is commonly not used in that way and that we generally have a sense of guilt about abortion. I guess now I will know what to say next time someone mentions that option to me. It seems like a safe answer.
We don't know exactly what it is that our host does for a living. However, it is quite clear that he's very well off. For one thing, they have three children. He said they are the only family in the whole apartment complex (a huge place) with three children. It costs quite a lot in government penalty fees to have more than one child. Also, they have sent their oldest daughter to the US for college. She lives in Tennessee. Also, their apartment was beautiful, with a huge screen tv, a piano, and a giant fish tank. It was a very nice home. He and the other husband did say that they used to be in the army before they retired. During the course of the conversation, it came out that one of the husbands was a communist party member. That felt strange. I don't know why, but I had stereotyped in my mind that all party members would be stern, anti-Americans. This guy was so nice, and so normal. During the course of dinner, he knocked over his drink and dropped his chopsticks. Everyone kept teasing him that he was un-cultured and he would just grin good-naturedly.
It is interesting to me that topics we would generally consider somewhat taboo as dinner conversation is considered a safe topic here. For example, we were talking about the fact that I have three sons. This is something that pretty much always comes up in any conversation we have. As you probably know, sons have traditionally been considered more valuable than daughters in Chinese society. That has begun to change, but people still "remember when" sons used to be what everyone wanted. Both the women we ate with last night have daughters. The one with three kids has 2 daughters and her youngest is a son. She said everytime she found out she was having a girl she cried. I laughingly told her I cried when I found out I was having boys, because I really wanted a daughter. They asked if we would try again for a daughter and we told them we were sure we'd just have more sons. Then one of the women suggested we just have abortions until we get a daughter. It's really good I hear all these conversations secondhand. If someone has said that to me straight out I would have been flabber-gasted. Fortunately Chris is more quick thinking than I am. He simply told them that in America, abortion is commonly not used in that way and that we generally have a sense of guilt about abortion. I guess now I will know what to say next time someone mentions that option to me. It seems like a safe answer.
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Date: 2006-10-01 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 08:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-02 03:38 pm (UTC)I think I post Wow alot when I reply to your entries. I cannot imagine thinking of abortion as a way of birth control. But I guess in a country where you were not allowed to have more than one child and inwhich you have no religious higher authority to answer to it's not that big of a deal. Then again, Sweden supposedly uses abortion as every day birth control too. I would have been flabbergasted as well.
I just learned that one of my co-workers is pregnant with her third child. She had told me that she didn't want any more children because she already had two daughters and was ready for them to be less dependent on her - one is school age and the other is not. But her husband kept pressuring her to have children because he wanted a boy. She said she told him that he could have the baby then because she was done. Now she's pregnant again, sick, and generally unhappy. I feel so bad for her. We joked around and I said I hoped it was a boy and we could go do a rain dance for her to persuade the gods to make the baby a boy.
I watched a show on Travel Channel last night called Atlas and it was all about China. Each week they are going to highlight a new country. I watched it in hopes they would feature Nanjing but they stuck mainly with Shanghai, Beijing and then the Mongol areas. They did talk about how the people of China were now allowed to have more than one child but in a country so poor I wondered if families weren't deciding to not have more than one child.
The show featured China as a beautiful country with wonderful people in it. I was saddened though because the non-city dwelling people seemed sad about the way their country is swinging into the future and leaving the past and their culture behind, to become more westernized.
I think I'm going to have to find a book about the cultural revolution, it's just fascinating to me.
The country looks so beautiful. The topography alone from the coastal areas to the vast deserts to the mountains, it's amazing.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 08:59 am (UTC)Speaking of babies, I had a dream about you. You had decided to have a baby and it was because your mom had told you it was ok if you had one. You had been waiting for her permission, and I was very concerned that you were having the baby for the wrong reason. Strange dream.
If you want to read about the cultural revolution, read "Wild Swans". I'm sure I've told you about it before. It is an excellent book. I'm so glad I read it before we moved here.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 12:48 pm (UTC)