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Aug. 16th, 2006 01:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizzybennetI can tell before I even begin typing this that it's going to be filled with complaints. I feel very uneasy today. I've been trying to work through my emotions and sort out why I'm feeling this way. I've decided not to keep Cici on as our nanny. I've been thinking and praying about this since yesterday. It's a tough decision. She's so nice and very competant with the kids. I'm going to make sure that she understands this has nothing to do with her job skills. We just don't need a nanny. I'm completely uncomfortable with this whole arrangement.
Yesterday, we finished school around noon. After lunch, I had nothing else to do so I told Cici she could go home. That would have been an hour early. She sat down on the couch and read a magazine for the next hour until 2 o'clock rolled around and it was time for her to leave. At two, I went out into the living room and told the boys they had to turn off their video games. By this time, I'm feeling very anxious for her to leave. When I made Petey turn off his GameBoy, he threw a tantrum. Ok, that's normal behavior for him when I ask him to turn of the video games. I sent him to his room until he could stop crying. Again, normal procedure in our household. No big deal. Cici followed him to his room trying to comfort him. She then came back out and got a cookie out of her purse to take to him. Naturally he stopped crying. She then gave cookies to all the kids before she left. Ok, again, I understand this is all part of the Chinese culture. I accept that and I don't intend to try and change it. However, this is my home and that's not how we do things here. We don't reward kids for throwing tantrums.
After she left I started having serious second thoughts about the whole idea of having a nanny at all. Really, she sits around for most of the day with nothing to do. I suppose I didn't realize how capable I was on my own, but I feel like I don't really need the extra help like I thought I would. Connor is much, much more clingy with her around and he sits on my lap all the time. I think if she (or any stranger, not specifically her) weren't here, he'd occupy himself during homeschool time. As it is, he wants all my attention so he doesn't have to interact with her. As for my own studies, I've done it for 2 years without a nanny so I'm certain I'll be fine this semester as well. If it gets to be too much, I'll drop a class or two. No big deal.
By last night, I had definitely decided I didn't want a nanny anymore. I wanted Chris to call her and tell her not to come back today but he felt uncomfortable doing that. Earlier today I called Map Magazine and left a message for Julie to call me back. She'll do our dirty work for us. I'll feel very much better when this whole issue is resolved. What was I thinking? Just because we can afford a nanny doesn't mean we have to have one! (again, no offense![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hopeness, this is just our family style :)
I took Connor to the International Club playgroup this morning. What an adventure that was. It's held at the International School (yes, the one that cost $15grand a year for tuition). It's quite a ways out of town and this was my first big outing on my own without Chris. Chris printed a map for the taxi driver and gave it to him before we left. He asked the driver to stay and bring me home afterwards, which the driver agreed to for 150 rmb (or about $20). Well, just my luck, I got a driver who didn't know where the school was and didn't seem able to read a map either. He asked for directions from 7 different people along the way (yes, I counted) until I finally spotted a sign for it. He took over an hour to find it. I was an hour late for the group. Still, the Connor enjoyed himself and I got to meet a few moms. I met two American moms who are here with the Ford company. The leader of the playgroup is from Holland and has lived in Nanjing for 10 years. She works for the Dutch government. There were also Indian, Australian and German moms there. And, of course, there were several nannies there with their kids. Ok, so several of these kids were very agressive. They snatched toys from each other, they yelled, they hit. When Connor was coloring, they came up and started scribbling on his page. It was bizarre. I have a theory: this is what happens when Chinese child rearing is used on "white" kids. It works in the Chinese culture, but it doesn't work on Caucasian races. They turn into spoiled brats. Or, maybe white kids are like that anyway and I'd just forgotten because I've been around polite Chinese kids for the past few weeks. Who knows.
But, I did get the name of a potential kindergarten for Petey. This is the best public school in Nanjing and they have bilingual teachers as well as an Enlgish teacher that comes in on a regular basis. The woman who told me about it sent her daughter there for preschool and really liked it. I wonder if it would be a good idea for Petey? He needs more socialization then he's getting. I don't know. It sounds like a good school, but I just don't know what do to. My brain feels addled.
Somedays I feel like I've totally adapted to life here, and other days I feel like I'm an alien dropped on another planet. I just don't belong here. I guess this is one of those days. Strange that I'd feel this way after playgroup. I suppose it's because all those women are uber rich. I'm almost as foreign to them as I am to the Chinese. They have drivers, they live in International Communities, they send their kids to the International school. Heck, it would take more than Chris' yearly salary to send both our kids there. Craziness.
I'll post again later today after the nanny situation is resolved. I'll feel better than. The irony: she's still here right now. She's been here all day and we've been acting as if nothings wrong. We are such wimps. She's talking on her cell phone while the boys play video games.
Yesterday, we finished school around noon. After lunch, I had nothing else to do so I told Cici she could go home. That would have been an hour early. She sat down on the couch and read a magazine for the next hour until 2 o'clock rolled around and it was time for her to leave. At two, I went out into the living room and told the boys they had to turn off their video games. By this time, I'm feeling very anxious for her to leave. When I made Petey turn off his GameBoy, he threw a tantrum. Ok, that's normal behavior for him when I ask him to turn of the video games. I sent him to his room until he could stop crying. Again, normal procedure in our household. No big deal. Cici followed him to his room trying to comfort him. She then came back out and got a cookie out of her purse to take to him. Naturally he stopped crying. She then gave cookies to all the kids before she left. Ok, again, I understand this is all part of the Chinese culture. I accept that and I don't intend to try and change it. However, this is my home and that's not how we do things here. We don't reward kids for throwing tantrums.
After she left I started having serious second thoughts about the whole idea of having a nanny at all. Really, she sits around for most of the day with nothing to do. I suppose I didn't realize how capable I was on my own, but I feel like I don't really need the extra help like I thought I would. Connor is much, much more clingy with her around and he sits on my lap all the time. I think if she (or any stranger, not specifically her) weren't here, he'd occupy himself during homeschool time. As it is, he wants all my attention so he doesn't have to interact with her. As for my own studies, I've done it for 2 years without a nanny so I'm certain I'll be fine this semester as well. If it gets to be too much, I'll drop a class or two. No big deal.
By last night, I had definitely decided I didn't want a nanny anymore. I wanted Chris to call her and tell her not to come back today but he felt uncomfortable doing that. Earlier today I called Map Magazine and left a message for Julie to call me back. She'll do our dirty work for us. I'll feel very much better when this whole issue is resolved. What was I thinking? Just because we can afford a nanny doesn't mean we have to have one! (again, no offense
hopeness, this is just our family style :) I took Connor to the International Club playgroup this morning. What an adventure that was. It's held at the International School (yes, the one that cost $15grand a year for tuition). It's quite a ways out of town and this was my first big outing on my own without Chris. Chris printed a map for the taxi driver and gave it to him before we left. He asked the driver to stay and bring me home afterwards, which the driver agreed to for 150 rmb (or about $20). Well, just my luck, I got a driver who didn't know where the school was and didn't seem able to read a map either. He asked for directions from 7 different people along the way (yes, I counted) until I finally spotted a sign for it. He took over an hour to find it. I was an hour late for the group. Still, the Connor enjoyed himself and I got to meet a few moms. I met two American moms who are here with the Ford company. The leader of the playgroup is from Holland and has lived in Nanjing for 10 years. She works for the Dutch government. There were also Indian, Australian and German moms there. And, of course, there were several nannies there with their kids. Ok, so several of these kids were very agressive. They snatched toys from each other, they yelled, they hit. When Connor was coloring, they came up and started scribbling on his page. It was bizarre. I have a theory: this is what happens when Chinese child rearing is used on "white" kids. It works in the Chinese culture, but it doesn't work on Caucasian races. They turn into spoiled brats. Or, maybe white kids are like that anyway and I'd just forgotten because I've been around polite Chinese kids for the past few weeks. Who knows.
But, I did get the name of a potential kindergarten for Petey. This is the best public school in Nanjing and they have bilingual teachers as well as an Enlgish teacher that comes in on a regular basis. The woman who told me about it sent her daughter there for preschool and really liked it. I wonder if it would be a good idea for Petey? He needs more socialization then he's getting. I don't know. It sounds like a good school, but I just don't know what do to. My brain feels addled.
Somedays I feel like I've totally adapted to life here, and other days I feel like I'm an alien dropped on another planet. I just don't belong here. I guess this is one of those days. Strange that I'd feel this way after playgroup. I suppose it's because all those women are uber rich. I'm almost as foreign to them as I am to the Chinese. They have drivers, they live in International Communities, they send their kids to the International school. Heck, it would take more than Chris' yearly salary to send both our kids there. Craziness.
I'll post again later today after the nanny situation is resolved. I'll feel better than. The irony: she's still here right now. She's been here all day and we've been acting as if nothings wrong. We are such wimps. She's talking on her cell phone while the boys play video games.